FINE

if tt u wanted...i will give it to you...
i can't be bother with you anymore...

some update

the bbq was fun...
thanz Sebastian for the invitation, thanz all of u for the fun i had...
and the funny powered faces...lolz...
the only nt fun part is Tony switch off my light when i am in the toliet...tt hell FREAK ME OUT...dun do tt again...
i almost cried...i am really scared off dark n i am NT KIDDING...

some thing is nt for me to comment on but dissappointed to noe...
I knew something will happen after she is gone...
but I did nt expect to be tt worst off...
things changes when she left my world...
things r nv the same...

sometime, once u lost someone or something they ain't coming back again...
no matter hw many pple sae time will heal but it a part of me tt was cut off literally...
dun tell me u understand...u dun...u dun understand hw it feel to be looking at her leaving further away from u day by day n nothing u can do to help...dun tell me urs is much worst off...i noe it hurts for u but u dun noe hw pain i am in, like i dun noe urs...so dun sae u UNDERSTAND...

to add on to the alreadi lost part, things changes...
pple changes...n it will nv be the same again...
i hate to noe, i am griefing for my lost n i am nt done wif tt dun add on to the alreadi hurting like hell wound...

i hell noe drinking is nt the wae...but like i care...i juz want to run away...
everything juz tigger off the pain, the scene in the proposal where the grandma is dying off...it juz make me cry when i thought she is really dying...
got to noe she onli acting, i juz got pissed off over a moive...haha...i noe it sound stupid...but can u dun play wif such stupid thing...it ain't funny for some...

bad dreamz...

I dreamt of my grandma ydae...my dreamz goes like tis: We r suppose to get out from the building for the reason I can't recall...I carry my grandma on my back n keep running...She juz say a word to me which was Thank you...all i noe is that i keep running down fleets of stairs n crying, n oso keep saying sorry to my grandma which I dunnoe why...As I run, she is getting weaker...Evenutally, She had passed on while I was carrying her which is to say she die in my care...That was when I woke up...I was tearing while I was sleeping so as to mean I was crying in my sleep...When I woke up sitting in the middle of the night crying again...It had been awhile since it happen...

Dinner & Dance

WOW, is the word for my D&D...it neither Dance nor Dinner, it was totally cam whoring...I only manage to eat the first 2 dishes, the rest of the time was drinking my glasses n glasses of red wine n photo taking session...I was super high...All I can tell u is our table had clear 4 bottles of red wine...Yes, I was part of the pple to help clear the wines...lolz...But I was nt wasted...I totally noe wat I was doing...after the D&D, We still join Gerald in Balaclava...So the result is another 2 bottles of beer dwn my stomach...lolz...it on Gerald...Thank Gerald for the treat....He does nt look very sober lolz...I noe u all will nt believe tt i was nt drunk when I said so...So I dun bother to explain, I can tell u I noe when to stop n hw to go home tt fine enough...After all the drinking, no puking n hangover for me as I am really nt drunk...the next day still wake up at 9am to edit my D&D photos den loaded it into facebook which is a muz for me...lolz...I was super tired after the D&D...I was very high so tt explained the free hugs photos in facebook...lolz...got to go, i still nd to study...ciaoz...

bz bz

I had been very bz recently due to my bridging course...had lotz of revision lessons and papers to sit for...I had been always trying to keep myself really busy, so I got no time to think about anything...

Sometime juz wonder if there is anything that is to be drink and I can have all my emotions removed...I do not mind being a living dead...I juz dun wat any emotions tt all...sometime I juz want a shoulder or an arm to lean on n counted on, so I do not need to rely on myself always...but I noe I am nt living in a world of fairy tales, there ain't some prince on white horse galloping towards me for resuce...lolz...so after lying on the spot where I fall no matter hw reluctantly I still had to stand up on my feet n charge forward...Hw I wish I haf an elder brother to rely on...

I noe u will get hurt, so pls dun come near me...I will keep a distance wif u...It nothing to do wif u, u r a very nice person but I juz do not want or need any other more commitment...I had more den enough...beside i can't stand the after effect too...so leave me alone...

Looking forward to D&D...going with a different group of pple...*praying hard tt nothing unlucky will happen to me*...

update

pls dun be wry abt me, dun be so gd n kind to me...i am scared...
i dun want to allow myself to sink in n get stuck there, i am stuck enough...
someone juz remind me of yc, always so quiet; always had to guess wat he thinking; nv gd in expressing himself...always i am doing the toking, seriously sometimes i start to see yc shadow in him...i noe i still dun want to give up on yc, but i nv will haf the courage to tell him...
he had gf nw, shld be spending his life very peacefully i dun want to be the person tt stir up a roar
i hate myself for losing the courage to love again...
i hate to wallow in self pity n sadness but i cannot help but emo...
all i can sae is i am feeling better, i had find back abit of smile, laughter though sometime can't help to think it wrong to smile when i juz lost someone nt long ago...i am starting to eat abit more n slp better in the night...though i still will cry, still will daze out at the very least i am better den b4...i am recovering tt all i can sae...

我好累。。

我周围的人以很习惯了我的坚强的个性，所以他们都会说她会没事的。
她很强，没事的没事得。我真的没事吗。
我不这么觉得。我说了我有事但你们又无法帮我，
可是同时你们也会期待我告诉你们我有多么有事。
可是我就是没办法告诉你们我的感受也懒得解释
所以选者说我没事你们明白吗？
我只需要时间来冲淡所有的一切。。。
原来没事说多了人都会相信甚至连自己都会相信。多可笑啊。
人的大脑真是不可思议。