bz bz

I had been very bz recently due to my bridging course...had lotz of revision lessons and papers to sit for...I had been always trying to keep myself really busy, so I got no time to think about anything...

Sometime juz wonder if there is anything that is to be drink and I can have all my emotions removed...I do not mind being a living dead...I juz dun wat any emotions tt all...sometime I juz want a shoulder or an arm to lean on n counted on, so I do not need to rely on myself always...but I noe I am nt living in a world of fairy tales, there ain't some prince on white horse galloping towards me for resuce...lolz...so after lying on the spot where I fall no matter hw reluctantly I still had to stand up on my feet n charge forward...Hw I wish I haf an elder brother to rely on...

I noe u will get hurt, so pls dun come near me...I will keep a distance wif u...It nothing to do wif u, u r a very nice person but I juz do not want or need any other more commitment...I had more den enough...beside i can't stand the after effect too...so leave me alone...

Looking forward to D&D...going with a different group of pple...*praying hard tt nothing unlucky will happen to me*...

update

pls dun be wry abt me, dun be so gd n kind to me...i am scared...
i dun want to allow myself to sink in n get stuck there, i am stuck enough...
someone juz remind me of yc, always so quiet; always had to guess wat he thinking; nv gd in expressing himself...always i am doing the toking, seriously sometimes i start to see yc shadow in him...i noe i still dun want to give up on yc, but i nv will haf the courage to tell him...
he had gf nw, shld be spending his life very peacefully i dun want to be the person tt stir up a roar
i hate myself for losing the courage to love again...
i hate to wallow in self pity n sadness but i cannot help but emo...
all i can sae is i am feeling better, i had find back abit of smile, laughter though sometime can't help to think it wrong to smile when i juz lost someone nt long ago...i am starting to eat abit more n slp better in the night...though i still will cry, still will daze out at the very least i am better den b4...i am recovering tt all i can sae...